I Ain't The One

I am brutally honest. I can't sugar coat shit. I have tried, but seriously I ain't the one. 

I have spent a majority of my life fixing everyone else's fucking lives while I allowed my own life to fall apart. Now that my life is in order, and I am happy and doing well people think they can dredge up my past, hold it against me, and try and cause me to feel some sort of guilt. 

I have already went through the guilt phase. I haven't been an addict in over 14 years.

I have made mistakes, more than I should have, and I have paid for those mistakes, yet there are some people that conveniently forget they have done many of the same things I have in their past, too.

I do not hide my past. I do not see a reason to keep those kind of skeletons locked away, and I understand others don't want their own past dredged up, however for others to bring up mine, and act like some fucking holier than thou saint is lame as hell.

If they don't want me putting them on blast they need to reserve their judgment of myself and others that are in similar situations or that have been. I will call them out when they do that shit.

Well fuck I had more to write, but I lost my train of thought so until next time...

Stop Stalking

Regardless of how much someone tries to crucify me, regardless of how much they despise me, and how they continue to keep my name flowing out of their mouth using anger towards me, and putting me down in front of others I need to remember that it says nothing about who I really am, but it speaks volumes about their poor character.

I wish them no harm. It really must suck to be them filled with those obsessive thoughts about me. Cyber bulltying and stalking people when you are in your 40s is just really creepy, and I hope he'll stop.

I'm not a snitch/cop caller or a person that involves attorneys, but if this person doesn't leave my name out of his mouth and stop harrassing me I will resort to placing an injunction on him with a no internet clause in it for the duration of the two years that the injunction is in effect.

Jason Kraft just won't leave it alone. He thinks he is funny, but in reality what he is doing affects me negatively and falls into the lines of stalking as well as cyberbullying.

Today he started in on me through a mutual friends status on facebook. I ended up putting him in his place for now, but I am almost positive that won't be the last time he bothers me. I had him blocked on social media/facebook, but he ended up sending Thunder a message asking her to send me a message for him. Who does that? If you are blocked that should show a sane person that we have decided to cut ties with them.

As far as I'm concerned Jason Kraft that lives in Las Vegas, Nevada has serious mental health problems. He may seem benevolent to most, but I can see his malevolant side, and that in all honesty does scare me, and I will not tolerate the stalking/harassment by him or anyone else.

Shambala

So I'm sitting here chilling listening to The Three Dog Night. Yeah baby it's old school and groovy.

• I miss my old man.
• I'm looking forward to New Year
• Life is good.
• Do I look cute?

Time After Time

It was the first part of the eighth grade, and my friend Angie had this boyfriend that she met in one her classes. He had just broken up with her, and she asked me to see why he did that. I didn't really know him that well since he was one grade below me. I knew Angie because she lived around the corner from me. 

I saw this ex boyfriend of Angie's in the hall, and approached him introducing myself as Angie's friend Monica, and I proceeded to phish for information. Turns out he just wasn't as interested in her as she was in him. You know how boys are.

Later that day my friend Donna and I were walking home. At the time I lived on 5th east and next to the duck park. Our school was located between 2nd and 3rd east directly west from my house. As we crossed 3rd east to go to my house we were near where we had to swing across the rope over the creek to get to my home. Yes, we could have walked up Welby one block north and then over, but we were kids, and did it our way. It was faster, and well more fun. To continue what I was saying as we were walking home these three boys started following us kind of giving us shit. We flipped them shit back. Donna and I were cracking up. This went on every school day for about two weeks until I decided to invite the dumb asses into my home. Those boys were Robert, his brother Barry, and their friend Charles.

Robert was Angie's ex boyfriend. The one I approached to try and find out why he had broken up with Angie. Angie was really a cute girl by the way so I didn't get why Robert didn't want to be with her. 

About a week after we started hanging out with them Robert would start chasing me home from school, then his older brother William who went to Granite High, and was 3 years older than I started picking us up on the way home from school, and then all of us; Donna, Robert, Barry, Charles, myself, and William all started hanging out at my home.

My home was absent of parents until late at night since my mom worked until midnight, and my Pops was busy after work kicking it at the Golden Fleece or with his buddy and the stripper and their house parties.   

My house was kid central. All the neighborhood hoods hung out at my home mainly because unlike most of them my parents weren't on welfare, and we had food and things to do at my home like dance to tunes on my huge stereo.

Robert and I eventually hooked up which was weird because I had been dating his brother William first. I hadn't thought about Robert like that until one day Rob showed up at my house without his brothers or Charles. Donna, James, and I were sitting on the bank of the creek which was in my driveway, and voila Robert came and started teasing me.

Donna and I teased him back. I started making fun of his clubfoot, and he pushed me into the creek. All these years I thought he was pissed off that I made fun of his deformed foot, and it turns out he was jealous of James. Lol James was like a brother to me, but James was really super cute, but at that age it never occurred to me that Robert was jealous especially since I was at the time fucking around with his brother William.   

Robert was my first love. I have loved a few others, but not like I love/d Robert with the exception of Lloyd. I'll write about Lloyd at some time. That is sore spot in my heart. It's the second worst thing I ever experienced. Losing my son is the only situation that tops the situation regarding Lloyd. 

Robert was and is my true love. This is why I can not leave him even now that he is serving a thirty year sentence. Don't get me started on that. The following photos are Robert then and now. 

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting 

Time after time.

( I love you Robert.)

Sin With A Grin